If I should not Return

Today the news is of a terrible plane crash in Spain and my heart goes out to those involved in the tragedy. For the injured and bereaved nothing will ever be the same again.

However, I don’t identify personally with such disasters. I have no more fear of flying than of driving on a motorway to get to the airport or crossing the road to get to the shop. I do trust modern technology in spite of all the Disaster films I’ve seen! But I also don’t consider myself immune from chance and unforeseen circumstance and am therefore motivated to put my own thoughts in order at this time.

If I should not return from this trip I wish to make clear to my family and friends that my positive attitude and inner resilience have been hard won. (In my younger days I would frequently berate myself for my stupidity but that was before I understood anything about psychology or energy medicine.)

I consider that whatever has happened in my life, the tragic events as well as the good times, are simply the ingredients of who I am today. I miss those who’ve been lost but regret nothing and value nothing so much as the love and companionship of my dear family. I want my children to know that I loved their father completely, as far as I was able at such a young and innocent age, in spite of what happened. (Other readers are free to imagine...) What hardships we came through are insignificant in comparison to many others’ lives. I even feel that I’ve had a charmed life! I’ve never starved or been homeless. I may have been betrayed, deserted and defrauded, but never beaten up, raped or mugged. So far I’ve never had a serious accident or debilitating illness. My family are generally fit and healthy. We are blessed with good genes.

I believe that to a large extent we make our own lives. When I lived in fear of what might happen... it did, but usually in a way I could not even imagine! Now I imagine how great life can be... and even greater opportunities appear. I’m happy with my life and want nothing more than to spread a little of that happiness wherever I go.

Now I’m not for a moment suggesting that the people on that plane somehow, through their negative thoughts, caused their plane to crash; perish the thought. We are all subject to other influences, the complex webs of cause and effect that culminate in chance and unforeseen circumstance. So whenever and however I meet my demise, I would like to think that the experience will be illuminating. In the words of Peter Pan; ‘To die will be an awfully big adventure.’ Whatever lies in store I will do my best to make it as enjoyable as possible!

If I should not return, know that I lived life to the best of my ability. Even though I may have fallen short many times and in countless ways... I forgive myself, I was doing the best I could. Even though I could have done better, (as my school reports frequently observed)... I learned my lessons the hard way. Every hard knock gave me a tougher skin... every hurt made my resolve stronger... and after every fall, I got up more determined. Even though I didn’t always know how to show my love... I first had to learn to love myself. Even though I may have been hard on my children... it was to give you the strength and resilience to survive. I’m so proud of you all; my wonderful children and beautiful grandchildren, not to mention my delightful great-grand-daughter, and trust you will continue to grow in love and prosper in the joy of life.

If I have learned anything, it is to have the courage to change what I can change, accept what I cannot change and have the wisdom to know the difference.

If I should not return... know that you are loved... and love is the key to life.