Caring for Carers

Whenever I do this work I'm reminded of all the carers throughout the world, paid and unpaid, who help fill the gap between a person's normal healthy life and their ultimate end. In the last 25 years I've helped care for the elderly infirm and those losing their mental capacity, disabled people of all ages and some with terminal illness and I reckoned I could care for my own parents when they got to that stage of life.  

In times past the family invariably took care of it's own and in undeveloped countries this is still the case. Although for many people there can be no substitute for care given by their own family, the stress on those assigned the task can be overbearing. 

Families are given little outside support for looking after their own. In my own case, the meagre allowance I received from the state to care for my parents wasn't enough to pay for the extra help I needed, until my own health suffered and the only alternative was a Nursing Home. Although they wouldn't pay me a proper wage, the state then paid the Nursing Home extremely well to care for my parents until they passed away! 

I could write a book on the stresses that can affect both carers and their clients, dealing with the practical issues but more importantly, all the emotional strain they come under, because now I have the techniques to deal with that.

It's often easier for a professional carer like myself to do the job and with all the therapeutic training I've done in the last few year I'm now better equipped to deal with the emotional strain. At least when I'm employed to look after someone else's mother I'm actually earning a reasonable wage and when my job is done I can leave it all behind, which is what I'll be doing this time tomorrow!

A Crisis but not a Disaster!

Yesterday morning, that's Wednesday, I got 'K' into the bath and while she relaxed in the warm water, I suddenly realised she'd stopped responding to me. Her breathing seemed to be Ok but she definately wasn't with it! I must have been very lucky not to have to deal with such an emergency before in the twenty five and more years I've been doing this job because that's the first time I've actually called 999. 

Anyway, it wasn't more than 10 minutes before a couple of Paramedics arrived from the North Wales Ambulance Service and they were wonderful, getting her out of the bath swaddled in towels to lie on her bed and recover, which she did gradually. They reckoned she'd had nothing more serous than a faint because of the warmth of the bath. I told them I'd put them on the blog, so many thanks to Tom and Graham for saving the day! 

Today, Thursday, I had the day off and drove home for a few hours. It's been a lovely sunny day but it took all afternoon to get a little business done and pay some bills online and now I'm relaxing before I'm on duty again.

REALITY CHECK!

On Monday I drove home the 170 miles from Gloucester, which took most of the day on cross-country roads rather than motorways, equipped with a flask of coffee and cheese and ryvita for a snack as I was in no hurry to end my holiday. Stopped at a farm shop to get some fruit and veg, then called at Annie's for a chat and a cuppa before arriving home at 5pm. I unloaded the car, which meant taking several trips up and down three flights of stairs to bring in my many bags, picked up the post that had mounted up after almost three weeks away, made a meal and put the tele on. 

It was great to be home again as I began to relax, so I was shocked to get a phone call at 7pm asking why I wasn't at my job! How this happened I have no idea, but the agency had booked me to care for a lady who I've been going to for at least 4 years. The previous carer had already gone and Janet, who comes in for the day when carers change, was waiting for me to relieve her. Luckily I hadn't bought a bottle of wine to relax with! The job is only 40 miles away, so I threw my bags back into the car and was there by 8pm. So as I'm here, I'll do the week, although that isn't what I'd planned! 

So my plan to relax in a hot bath with scented oils and candles before enjoying an uninterrupted night's sleep will have to wait till next Monday when I'll be home again. At this job I can be called at any time of the day and night as I'm on duty 24/7. 

Before you ask... No, I didn't forget and don't think I'm getting senile just yet!

Luckily I'm able to get online with my 'dongle'. That's all I have time for right now and will recount yesterdays happenings in the next post! 

Back to Reality

Ok, it's Diane's, not my reality just yet. As it's Bank Holiday weekend, I'm relaxing here before driving home early tomorrow when most traffic will be flowing away from the Welsh coast. Di is happily doing the cooking while I get our experiences down before it all melts into distant memory. Actually we've spent most of the afternoon sitting in her sunny garden reading books we bought in Charity shops last week and I just finished Dan Brown's 'Digital Fortress', which as always is a compulsive read, if technically challenging. I don't even know how much of his technology is fantasy or not! All good fun anyway!

Watching David Icke on channel 200 doing a valient job of explaining the concept of reality and infinite consciousness, which I'd love to be able to explain coherently. Is the material world 'real' or illusion tuned in by our chrystaline DNA? Interesting stuff! If you haven't come across these ideas before, it's worth reading about. 

St Michael's Mount

On Friday, our last day, we decided to visit this famous landmark and arrived early to catch low tide at 9am so we could walk the hundred or so yards of causeway to the Mount that turns from headland to island twice a day. However, as nothing opened until 10.30 we spent over an hour drinking coffee and exploring the little harbour, which was the main harbour in that area before the bigger harbour at Penzance was built. It was cold on the north side of the island and it took a while for the sun to warm up.

The climb up to the Castle was worth the effort for the views.

Although the Castle is small it has a long history, from medieval priory to defensive fortress, to private home. 

By the time we'd had lunch and were ready to leave the tide was beginning to cover the causeway and we came back to the mainland by boat.

Catching up

This is the original massive Telecommunications dish, Arthur, at Goonhilly, where we spent a fascinating few hours learning the history of how our phone and internet messages have been transmitted around the world since the launch of Telstar in the 1950's! 

I'm sitting in the Sinclair C5; one invention that didn't take off as expected! 

 

Another day we  came to spectacular Porthcurno where the massive communications cables were originally laid under the Atlantic to America.  

Way up on the cliffs we found the amazing open air Minack Theatre, built into the cliffs by one woman's hard work and enthusiasm during a lifetime living there. There is now a Cafe and Boxoffice to run the 17 week summer season of performances that are only cancelled in extreme weather conditions. A wonderful, if dizzying experience. 

One visitor from the US was moved to sing 'Empty chairs and empty tables' from Les Miserables and received an ovation from the many visitors who were transfixed by this unexpected performance. 

We expressed our appreciation for his talent, but didn't ask his name. Maybe someday we'll recognise him on tele! 

Pirates and Smugglers

We've been confronted by Pirates at Penzance and Smugglers at every picturesque cove and quaint fishing village, but have survived our Cornish adventure with lots of pictures to jog our memories. 

In spite of occasional rain and cold winds, we enjoyed plenty of sun, at least on the coast. We learned that Cape Cornwall was originally thought to be the most westerly point where two oceans meet, but now Land's End further down the coast draws the tourists, who contribute to the local economy by spending on food, drink and the usual trinkets. I think we've both contributed enough to keep the local craft and jewellery shops in business for the year. 

Cornwall; another country

My sister Diane drove us on Saturday to our holiday destination way down in the toe of Cornwall, only to find that there's no signal for cellphones or mobile broadband here, so have not been online for three days. However, we are online now, by paying for a 24 hour internet connection. 

We knew it was a risk, booking our holiday for May. Although in memory May has often been a warm and sunny month, this year it's not living up to that promise. We are getting sun, when the strong south-westerly winds disperse the clouds and rain for a while, but it feels cool rather more than warm. At this rate we'll be going home with sun-tanned goose-pimples! 

This holiday park is based on an old family estate with the Manor House forming the hub and our small apartment is part of the old Coach House that would have also been stables, but smells OK now! There's a good Bar and Restaurant, where we had wonderful fish and chips on our arrival. We've had a dip in the indoor swimming pool, luxuriated in the jacuzzi and keep promising to use the gym, tomorrow. 

Our first trip out was to Helston; of the Helston Floral (Furry) Dance fame, which we watched in May 1946, when I was young and Di was so young she doesn't remember. We were on our first family holiday after the War and stayed in a Guest house in Porthleven, a small fishing village nearby. I do remember that May, which was gloriously warm and sunny; and have the photographs to prove it! Paddling in the sea in our summer clothes, unlike the coats and scarves we wore today. 

Anyway, the stormy wind made for stunning seascapes.

Changing World

I was brought up in a Britain that was 'Great' and everyone supposedly knew their place in society. I suppose there were always non-comformists; from writers and intelectuals to tramps on the road, but there wasn't much choice for the rest who expected to get a job after finishing school, work nine to five (or even eight to six!) for five or six days a week with a week or two annual holiday, get married and have kids! 

How things have changed! It was my generation, growing up during and after the War, that started the revolution but I wonder why I had such different ambitions to my school friends. My best friend went to college to become a Teacher. Others disappeared into offices or shops. I seemed to be the only one who longed to travel; to be a writer and photographer, inspired by the wonderful Picture Post magazine that found its way into our home. I studied photography at 'night school', went South to London by bus to work in a fashion photographer's darkroom for a few months, then at 19 travelled by train and ferry to the beautiful Channel Island of Guernsey for summer work as a beach photographer. That was the beginning and end of my travels for a long time because there I met the love of my life, (or so I thought), fell into the marriage mould and started producing babies, simply because that's what girls did!  

My travel aspirations were on hold for a long time, but that desire still smouldered in the depths of my soul. At that time I wasn't adventurous enough; when my marrtiage ended, fears of insecurity held me back from being a hippy and travelling the world with my children. I was just too respectable! 

What brought that on, I wonder. It must be a result of the comment that Catherine posted on the last blog with a quote from a woman author about travel and how it affected her.  It's said that travel broadens the mind, but even more than that, it gives a different perspective, not only of the world but of oneself. 

When I hear the amazing things that other women have accomplished in the last few years, I realise what I've been missing. Maybe it's not too late to fulfill my original ambitions. I've always enjoyed writing as well as taking photographs, so if I can do it well enough... who knows! 

Relaxing with Rich

After my week's work I've just had a couple of days with Rich in Bristol, which was great. He took me to the Albany Centre, which is an old chapel where circus performers can 

practise their stuff. 

This is Rich and Nikki doing their routine. 

One evening we took a stroll though the Bristol Docklands, 

where we indulged in a NewYorker Martini, which was really 

delicious, before dining in a new Thai Restaurant! 

My route through Shropshire and the Borders was punctuated by rape fields of flueorescent yellow. Even without the sun, the countryside is lovely at this time of year. 

Only One Day to Go!

After the worst night here, I'm just glad there's only one day left. Suffice to say that 'Jane' was so bad she couldn't even go to bed, so I had very little sleep. Something to do with her medication, which was changed last week. I really earn this money!

It's not always easy to keep a balance while doing this job. On one hand, I have a job to do and want to do it to the best of my ability, while on the other hand, if I were to spend every moment of every day with my client, it could be detrimental to my own health. While some clients want a lot of attention others are less demanding. However, if I allow myself to become too engrossed in my own interests, such as blogging or reading, my client could begin to feel ignored, because my attention is no longer on them. And I have to watch that I don't start to detach from the job before I've actually finished. Remember when you watched the clock as it neared 5.O'clock on a Friday? 

You may be wondering why I've posted a picture of Rich in Australia! Balance. Richard knows all about balance as that's what he does for a living. 

Come to think of it, all of life is a tightrope and whatever we do;  perform acrobatics, take a walk, ride a bike, drive a car, pilot a plane or maintain a relationship, is all subject to a system of checks and balances. 

When I leave here tomorrow I'll be driving to Bristol to stay for a couple of days with Rich as I'm half-way there already. Then to Diane's for a holiday in Cornwall... Hey-hey!!!

3rd Day in the Life... Trapped!

Early morning looking down on Church Stretton from the house past my faithful old car.

As I arrived here at mid-day on Tuesday, I'm now on my third day and by midnight will be half-way through my week's stint. That's how one's mind works in this job; that and counting up how much I can put in the Bank to pay off the Credit cards! 

About twice a day, Jane has a panic attack. Apparently this is part of the Parkinson's package to let sufferers know how bad they are and today has been particularly bad. She has a special pill for this, which takes a while to work and in the meantime I help her get relaxed and as comfortable as possible, which isn't easy. Being of the older generation, Jane has never got into alternative ways of living, such as practising relaxation or meditation. So every time she feels panicky, her first impulse is to phone her long-suffering daughter-in-law or one of her sons for support, ignoring the fact that they've got her a carer for this very purpose. 

Not an easy situation, especially if she's having an attack as I'm cooking lunch, which is what happened today. This time the attack lasted longer than usual, preventing her from eating and even after she'd fallen asleep with fatigue, she didn't awake feeling much better. Actually, she's slept a lot today, probably because she didn't sleep much in the night, so her sleep pattern seems to be getting reversed.

A particular difficulty I find is that her voice becomes almost inaudible when she's having an attack, so I'm continually having to guess what she wants as its so awkward saying, 'What's that? Sorry Jane, I can't hear what you're saying... is that what you want?' which is not helped by the fact that I'm a bit deaf anyway.

Because it's a bad day, there's no chance for me to go out at all, though I can usually go shopping down in the town when she's alright for a short while. So I'm trapped here because she's trapped in this awful disease. What a life! 

However, I'm making the most of this enforced imprisonment by writing this blog as well as other articles I hope to get published in magazines as well as in our WHO2 Newsletter. So I'm not really wishing my life away, but when I wake tomorrow it will only be 3 days till I finish!

2nd Day in the Life of...

This is Rusty, Jane's little dog, who I feed, take out for walks round the garden 

and occasionally clean up after. That's when Jane is asleep or feeling Ok. He's very sweet and affectionate, although he has a habit of peeing in the hall at night, which is not nice. At the moment he won't leave me alone, so I must give him a run. Back in a mo.  

Then there are the Doves, which live in a dovecote in the garden. 

Last time I was here they 

were recovering from a massacre by a Sparrowhawk that got into the dovecote and killed several birds. The carer who was here at the time spotted it and managed to trap it in one section of the dovecote, while the RSPB was called to take it into custody. 

Thankfully there's been no incident since, though the bird was released after a few hours as it no doubt has it's own chicks to feed. When I fed  the birds at dusk I counted 15; more than enough! Another of my jobs is to let them out again in the morning to fly free. 

As a personal carer my duties include cooking meals and doing all the things a housewife usually does. It's quite a responsibility to remember to give her medication on time and check regularly that she's comfortable and hasn't fallen out of her chair or died! Thankfully I'm not expected to sit with Jane every hour of the day and she does sleep a lot, so I have a fair amount of time to get online on the kitchen table. 

I'm so happy to be online this time. When I did this job previously I was  suffering serious withdrawal symptoms by the time I left!  Now I'm equipped with this mobile Broadband dongle on the 3 network, which is working surprisingly well, considering that I was told there's no signal here! 

A Day in the Life of a Carer

I don't like being woken by a bell at 6 in the morning, but it's usually about this time that 'Jane' needs my help. I'm lucky that now she has a commode I'm not summoned during the night. As soon as I'm there she wants to get into her chair in the sitting room and get warm by the gas fire. Then when she gets comfortable, which can take some time, she may fall asleep again and I can wake myself up with a cup of tea!  I get snatches of BBC 1 Breakfast News on TV in between getting washed and dressed, doing some Yoga/Pilates exercise, having breakfast and responding to the bell when she needs me. 

Those who know about Parkinson's will commiserate, not only with me, but certainly with her, for this is a slowly debilitating disease that has no pattern. From being an active person, walking her little dog and running her beautiful house, she is now confined to her chair and sometimes has difficulty using the control that enables her to lie back, bring her feet up or sit up again. At least she has the money to employ carers, which is something many sufferers cannot afford to do. 

Right now, she's had a very small amount of breakfast and is asleep again, so I'm drinking yet another cup of tea while I write a few lines. There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to how this disease affects people. Sometimes I'll find Jane walking about quite normally, but this doesn't usually last very long.  More often she has spasms that lock her body into a tense rigidity and this can last much longer in varying degrees until she can relax enough to sleep again. 

I've been doing this Agency Care work for many years, off and on, which has been a good way of earning money for me when I need it most. But it's not for everyone! Doing this work initially prompted me to explore ways of dealing with situations that can try anyone's patience. So I studied Psychology and took training in Hypnotherapy, Counselling and other therapies that finally enabled me to start a Practice. I love helping people find ways of dealing with their problems, whatever they may be, but in the Caring profession my training and therapeutic experience has been invaluable. Or is it the other way round? Maybe it's my experience in Caring that's enabled me to be a more compassionate Therapist? 

There's no way I can 'Do Therapy' in these situations, but all the therapeutic skills that I've integrated into myself definately help me survive a week's caring as well as give some quality care to each client. 

When Jane has an 'episode' and can't move, convinced that 'I'm on my way out' to quote her, by gently suggesting to her... 'It's Ok... it will pass... it always does... you're doing alright... just go with it.. let it flow over you... let it pass over... and before you know it, you're fine again.' When I can, I hold her hand and gently tap on my hand while I'm saying this, as in EFT, which I hope helps to calm her down. Anyway, after a sleep, she often wakes up feeling OK, so I trust it's doing something useful. 

As a carer, I've often felt frustrated and been upset by the anger and depair of those too old, disabled or infirm to lead the lives they used to, but have learned not to take anything personally. My desire is to help other carers who struggle to keep sane in trying situations. Really it's all a matter of perception and attitude. I've learned that by getting to a point of acceptance even though a situation or illness can be desperate, which for most people is the most difficult thing to do, one can achieve a different viewpoint, even leading to peace. 

Another journey

Right now I'm in another beautiful part of the country. Almost a hundred miles from home, Shropshire is on the border of Wales and although it's in England, some of the country areas are still very Welsh. This is an area of rolling hills, not as grand as in Snowdonia, but gentler in its winding stone-walled country lanes and here, as the main road runs through a narrow valley, Church Stretton is a very attractive little town. 

However, I'm not on holiday. When not earning enough with my therapeutic skills I look after an old lady in her own home and while this is not an ideal situation; my life is put on hold while I'm here, it does help to pay off debts incurred on my World trip! I know I'm doing a valuable service here and I'm lucky to be paid quite well. The lady is very nice, although incapacitated with Parkinsons, but it's a lovely place to be and very peaceful.   

Naturally, there's no Wi-fi here, so I've bought a mobile Broadband 'Dongle' and amazingly, it's working! I feel so much better being in touch through the www again!