In times past the family invariably took care of it's own and in undeveloped countries this is still the case. Although for many people there can be no substitute for care given by their own family, the stress on those assigned the task can be overbearing.
Families are given little outside support for looking after their own. In my own case, the meagre allowance I received from the state to care for my parents wasn't enough to pay for the extra help I needed, until my own health suffered and the only alternative was a Nursing Home. Although they wouldn't pay me a proper wage, the state then paid the Nursing Home extremely well to care for my parents until they passed away!
I could write a book on the stresses that can affect both carers and their clients, dealing with the practical issues but more importantly, all the emotional strain they come under, because now I have the techniques to deal with that.
It's often easier for a professional carer like myself to do the job and with all the therapeutic training I've done in the last few year I'm now better equipped to deal with the emotional strain. At least when I'm employed to look after someone else's mother I'm actually earning a reasonable wage and when my job is done I can leave it all behind, which is what I'll be doing this time tomorrow!
2 comments:
Hi Pat --
What a good idea about writing a book. The paradox you raise about being paid (and paid a reasonable wage, at that!) to care for strangers contrasts with what is expected of us when rearing our own children and caring for our elderly parents . . . let alone caring for family members who are ill, disabled, etc.
In my opinion, it's an artificial distinction. In all these scenarios, care is the bottom line. All caring (personal and impersonal) requires a kind of loving and draws on the care-provider's energetic, financial, and emotional resources. Currently cultures "trade on" the bonds of love and affection we have for our children, parents, and needy family members, counting on the altruism of the personal caregivers. Also, "caring" has traditionally been considered "woman's work." So it comes as no surprise that the funds available for doing it at the "personal level" are minimal, and at the "impersonal level", not that highly paid. And yet, wouldn't we all benefit from cultures which recognize the "true" costs of "care" (both personal and impersonal) and built in new and better ways to support those who do it?
For some reason, I'm reminded of Virginia Woolf's book, The Three Guineas. Perhaps it's because of her clear-eyed vision of how best to respond to people who ask for and expect "donations" from women! Have you ever read it?
So, getting back to your idea about writing a book -- go for it!
With blessings,
Catherine
Thanks for your comments Catherine. No I haven't read that... I'll look out for it!
Post a Comment